dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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