I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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