i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you would pick up someone in the library
I am midnight drunk by noon
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
