woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am