He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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