Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Why did I cab home last night?

  (1-310): View more from California

  Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.

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  (310): Why did I cab home last night? (1-310): Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker. http://tfl.nu/2rna
  Replies (1) Good night (906) Bad night (681)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.

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  (301): Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet. http://tfl.nu/iw4x
  Replies (33) Good night (1150) Bad night (3390)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

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  (208): Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores" http://tfl.nu/e2re
  Replies (37) Good night (918) Bad night (8649)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?

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  (734): Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths? http://tfl.nu/85c1
  Replies (3) Good night (3238) Bad night (752)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened

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  (617): there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened http://tfl.nu/7n12
  Replies (8) Good night (4279) Bad night (691)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.

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  (605): You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex. http://tfl.nu/lyw2
  Replies (10) Good night (4791) Bad night (858)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.

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  (214): Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2. http://tfl.nu/7wyo
  Replies (7) Good night (2267) Bad night (639)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."

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  (414): I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong." http://tfl.nu/mk9e
  Replies (9) Good night (1948) Bad night (1418)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.

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  (407): Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost. http://tfl.nu/odd1
  Replies (8) Good night (1679) Bad night (640)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.

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  (205): It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time. http://tfl.nu/qk61
  Replies (2) Good night (1071) Bad night (366)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,

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  (609): i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina, http://tfl.nu/dlk2
  Replies (15) Good night (1048) Bad night (374)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."

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  (337): Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her." http://tfl.nu/whil
  Replies (10) Good night (1616) Bad night (335)
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  (530): View more from California

  Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.

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  (530): Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them. http://tfl.nu/oho5
  Replies (2) Good night (890) Bad night (248)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP

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  (724): umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP http://tfl.nu/bluu
  Replies (4) Good night (349) Bad night (632)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.

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  (708): Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store. http://tfl.nu/aft6
  Replies (0) Good night (329) Bad night (219)

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