about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.