I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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