Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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