yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
