i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
