Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
