hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
