Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
