when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
