we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
