I must be too annoying 4 u.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
