On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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