yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
