are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
