My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
