last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
