Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
