meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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