Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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