Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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