I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
