Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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