areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My bed smells like the plague
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
