Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
