you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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