Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
