You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
