CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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