i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm always down for nudity.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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