I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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