If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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