it hurts more in the daytime
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize