I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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