Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
