Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
