just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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