Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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