hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
