why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I puked a lego.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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