please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
