It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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