If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
