I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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