Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
