Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
