i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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