i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
