2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
