I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
