Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I cut my penus on the lid.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
