Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
