I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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