I think I died a long time ago.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need to sanitize my soul.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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