i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
