she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the day after is always just damage control
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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