mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
