I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
