You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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