What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
