I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Go christen that room with your naked body.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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