i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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